since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
