Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
So. Much. Porn.
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