is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
