I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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