i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
