You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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