It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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