Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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