there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
