omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
