i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
