I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
