So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
