She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
