Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
