One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
