Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
