cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
