shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
