If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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