"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You work out of a Hotel?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
