I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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