covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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