You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
be right there i have to get my cape
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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