therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
