I think I won the penis lottery.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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