I'm gonna have a badass scar
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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