i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You can't just leave with hair like that
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
