my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
two words: eviction party
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
