Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize