Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
