Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
