and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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