Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I smell stomach acid.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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