Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
