i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
