I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
