I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
