I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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