He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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