I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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