Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
