I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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