Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
