I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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