Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
MIDGETS
????
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
