grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
