overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
