Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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