Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
