do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
