After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
