Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
