you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
