If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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