Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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