Pants 0. Shit 1.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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