I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
