Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
