what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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