You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
