My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
