i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
