Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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