do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
