I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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