I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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