You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
