She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
