he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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