I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
