I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize