How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
